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This blog is now all about my personal life, including updates concerning Jerry's health. For quilt and pattern related posts please visit

Friday, March 6, 2015

The REAL deal

Recently my daughter was over at her 'other' family's house and she got up to leave the room. When she did so, the family grilled my daughters fiance as to whether all this about Jerry could really be real. How could one person have this much wrong with them and still be alive? Is she sure we aren't making some of it up?

Then while Jerry was in the hospital last week one of the doctors (he gets visited by TONS from all the different teams of docs that he has.) and one dared to ask Jerry why he's ok at the hospital but not at home. Why does he come home and have to go right back again?

Well it's probably good I wasn't in the room at the time or I probably would have lost my temper. Because... Mr Doc Know it All.. you have a BLOOD BANK at your hospital that, ummm, we don't have at home!  You have an IV machine that we don't have at home. (smh). Jerry got two blood transfusions while he was there. He also got two bags of antibiotics and multiple bags of fluid. He's been home a week and guess what Mr Doc..he will need to go back next week for more blood!! (The nerve!!)

Thru all of this I have lost many "friends". People that quit reading, commenting, encouraging. I am actually quite shocked at a couple of them but its ok because trials define "friendship". I simply do not have time to keep up with blogs or sometimes even reply to emails. I want to but I simply just can not!  I am actually glad that you stopped. I have a couple of particular people especially in mind, and you know... at least now I know who was fake, huh?

My five year old son woke up today and came right to my lap. He then told me "Mommy, sometimes I want to cry when I think about my daddy dying, is that okay?" Oh this is all very real to our 5 year old.

My husband has had 7 or 8 transfusions just in the new year. He cannot walk, He can no longer write, and he cannot see well enough to read. He barely can eat. He cannot shower. Today he attempted to place a dish in the sink and fell to ground when he reached from his cane to the sink. He lives in the hospital as much as he lives at home. This is very real to him.

Yesterday someone spent the time to write how just how much she knows how real this is to me. She described my life to a T, it makes me think that she must have lived this reality herself at one time or another. Let me share the message:

I have you in my prayers each day.I know how hard you have it with Jerry and don't know how you do it. Taking care of Jerry, and Stephen and trying to keep up a business. Then there is taking care of the bills, keeping up with the doctors,taking care of a house, cooking and the list goes on. I have to do a lot of those things (except keeping a business) and of course we have to drive them everywhere too and make a schedule and work that out. Then I think what about me? When do I have time for me and if I do take time for me I worry about my husband. I feel your pain and all your going through. Then I think there are worst situations than what we have to do and there are people that don't have anyone to care for them. What do they do? found that our Lord Jesus is the one I need to talk to every now and then when I am by myself. At church on Sunday I felt the Holy Spirit lifting me up. Before I go to bed I pray and ask the Lord to bless and help my family and friends.You especially are included my friend. Don't try to be wonder woman and can do anything and everything. I thought I could be her at one time but only made myself stressed and sick You have a lot of friends that are praying for you and when they say that, GOD IS LISTENING.even when you think he isn't God loves you like all the folks that listen to you and pray for you. We love you.

I've never met the person that wrote that message. She has been shopping in my fabric group for awhile now but has not seen the madness over the last two years, yet she was able to COMPLETELY understand everything that is on my shoulders..and she knows that its for real. She made me cry because it was so sweet and it was just when I needed it. Not a single person can know what we are going through, but each person has trials of their own. Some are big and some are small but ALL are real.My final thought is this, If you don't love someone, let them go because they don't need fake. And yes, what Jerry is going through is for real. Just ask my five year old who wants to know if its ok to cry when he thinks about his daddy dying.


Belinda said...

How can you make this up? Sheesh.
I'm glad you have good friends who continue to support you and lift you up to the Lord. Keep the faith my friend.

Colleen Yarnell said...

Why would you make something like this up? I personally dont have the dgree of illness Jerry does, nor has anyone in my family. However even the multiple health issues I suffer from would have been incomprehensible to me when I was 100% healthy. I was always the healthy one. Then cancer started its insidious ruination of my health. I have witnesses the unusual health issues of others in my family. But you know what I see in you and Jerry and I see in my self and family? You dont wallow in it. Yes you talk about it but you keep on doing!!! Thats what life is about. Doing and living what ever your health is. I think some people are just jealous you have such stamina and positive attitude. Praying as always and still your believin friend.

barbara woods said...

some people are butt holes, just ignore
them and do the best that you can do. Try to take care of yourself are you will be sick to. Hugs

Dora, the Quilter said...

I'm shocked that anyone would question what you are going through, although I thank you for your post, because I lost a lot of friends when my little family was facing one thing after another.

Although I don't like that Jerry is suffering, or that your sweet boy is having thoughts that are difficult for adults to handle, I do admire you because you keep on doing what you have to do even when it is unimaginable to most people.

You all continue in our prayers!

the Preacher's wife said...

I do not know how you do it. Know that you are one of the King's daughters and He is with you every moment of every day. I am sorry this is happening to your little family......God bless!

Carol said...

I pray for you daily, and then some, as you face the many many trials and struggles in your life. I pray that God will bring compassionate, helpful friends and caring medical personnel into your lives.

Dorian said...

(((HUGS))) It's just amazing what some people will thing, isn't it? You just keep on, keeping on Sweetie. You have lots of love and prayers.

beaquilter said...

stay praying for you guys... big HUGS

Becky said...

You are in my prayers. Let the negative stuff "roll off". You need to spend your energy on things that count...not waste if on others' negativity. God knows your trials and He is all that matters!

Tami C said...

I don't know how you do it either! I sure wish the doctors would figure out why Jerry keeps going in the same circle over and over. You and your family have become a permanent fixture in my nightly prayers. Ignore the jerks and get on with your life. (((Hugs)))

Bless you & yours, Tami

Anonymous said...

Hiya Tonya!!! I know I haven't been in touch for a while now, my life's kinda been tousled up too. But I think about ya'll a lot. I haven't even been on Facebook much lately. Please take care, and take care of yourself too. Keep us posted, we do care. Blessed be, hugs!!! Pam

Pat said...

Ah Tonya, y'all know that some people have never exercised their brain cells... and stupid is what you get.
Ignore it from non medics and write Mr Medic a letter and perhaps he'll be blessed with common sense in short order!
Keeping you and yours close in prayer xx

Carla said...

Doctors sometimes have no bed side manner and forget when they think they're teasing it's actually pinching the nerves of the loved ones of the patient. I know people as yourself who care for the ailing loved, the family the house the bills etc but I don't see how y'all do it. Yet I know as challenges are put before us we have to step up the game plan. You are a strong woman that's for sure.
My little sister is the one in our family who has had to step up the game plan for our dad for the last 10 months. Traveling from Trenton to Kansas City once or twice a week then we lost her mom my dad's wife. We were all so busy worry about dad we never suspected anything wrong with her. I'm of little help in Texas and my other 2 sister who live in Missouri do what they can when they can. You're in my thoughts often and will continue to be in my prayers.

Carla said...

Oh as to the future in-laws -- I hope the future son-in-law stopped them in their tracks. Let them walk a mile or even 1/4 of mile in your shoes and we'll see how they feel then.

Patricia Ballas said...

Just wanted to tell you that you are in my prayers and that God has a special place in heaven for angels such as yourself. I was injured in 2006while working at my job at a high school,I was a special needs teacher and I loved it. I had been physically attacked by my student a couple of months earlier and was on light duty when I tripped over some rugs that had been stacked in front of the door. I was taken to the hospital .my left side went totally numb I couldn't feel anything or move it and the pain in my neck and back was excruciating! The emergency room doctor told the nurse I was faking that he had seen my left side move when I didn't think anyone was watching. The ambulance driver proved to him it was just my body response to shock I had no power over it. I am now in my 8th year of not being able to work but not getting disability benefits because I hadn't worked long enough. I had stayed home to raise my children. Then while laying in the hospital not knowing if I would ever walk again my husband of 23yrs walks in tells me to get an attorney he wants a divorce. I had never lived on my own ever. So I went through a very nasty divorce a very nasty workmanship compensation fight. Along the way I met my current husband who takes care of me and does everything you do. I feel useless and helpless because I was the one in the beginning to do all those things. Now he does. I love him to death and would never trade him. I only wish I had met him before my health turned so bad. They DON'T know if I have brain damage or fibromyalgia or if it's all from the spinal cord injury. Some of the doctors st say it is in my head. Just know you are not alone we all feel like we are. I truly wish I were where I could hug you. I know without my quilting I would go insane. Feel free to contact me anytime I do not work and live one state north.

Linda Cejnar said...

I just watched your fussy cut paper piecing video and I wanted to say I appreciate the time you took, and the expertise that you shared. Your joy and passion for your piecing shine through on that video and I wanted to thank you for sharing. I'm just now getting in to fussy cutting. I hope your husband's illness will be pinpointed soon, and you both will begin to be healed in body and in spirit.