There is a new television show called "The New Normal" or something along those lines. I don't watch a lot of tv, but I've heard it advertised somewhere along the way during Jerry's football shows or something. I don't think I'd like the show, but I was thinking just now of our new normal. Certain things have become everyday life to us that would cause most to have phone in hand and dialing 911.
Particularly strokes. We have no idea how many small mini strokes Jerry has had. But we do know when he's had medium size ones. Are there such a thing as medium size strokes? I don't know...but to us..they are our new normal. Like the last couple of days, Jerry has acted a bit strange, and then, just like always when he has a stroke, he fell asleep and was WAY out of it. Hard to wake up out of it. This is not his new normal because steroids keep him from sleeping. So I knew he'd had another. Tonight I casually asked him if he'd lost more use of his arm--just part of our new normal conversation. Before bed a bit ago, Jerry stated, "You know, I feel weird. I think I had another stroke". To which I replied, "Yes, you did. Yesterday. That's why I asked you about your arm". Just a conversation in our living room before bed--our new normal.
Jerry tried to go to work for 1/2 a day last week and won't be going back until he visits the doc on Tuesday. He's using so much insulin(due to steroids) that he ran out and when we went to get more tonight the pharmacy refused. We are going to have to call the doc about that tomorrow because his blood sugar was so high it was off the meter tonight. Ya, I'm worried. He's been very diligent with it; even though it is very frustrating to keep it down with the steroids hiking it up. On a good note, it looks like the internal bleeding has stopped. He might possibly get to go on blood thinners this week!!!!
How is Jerry? He tries to do some normal things, but wears out so easily. He insisted on fixing Thanksgiving dinner, bless his heart. He's always done that and this year was not going to be different. Oh, and last weekend his mother and aunt and uncle came to town. It was a wonderful visit. I really enjoyed them, and Stephen got to see his grandmother. One more Jerry note--he has trouble typing now with his left hand and can no longer play guitar..at least for now. In time, all in time.
How am I? Oh a world of emotions. Elated to have the bleeding stop so that we can maybe get the strokes under control. Worried because I see these strokes happening. Weary because I work so many late night hours. Guilt ridden because I have so many friends I've dropped the ball on and so many people I really need to thank, and blogs that I really need to write (ahhhhs) and read. Saddened when people stop communicating, because our new normal..has just become.... normal. You know what I mean by that? Yet I am so thankful for those of you that haven't given up on me, you check in on me, some of you have gifted us Walmart cards (which we save for meds) and you understand that every spare computer moment I have is usually spent in that crazy fun Ozark Fabric shop. I have something fun going on behind the scenes with ahhhs but I am frustrated that I cannot get the time to get the ball rolling on my end. And sometimes, I just wanna be a girl and cry. Through it all, I am ever thankful for my faith in Christ. How one ever lives without Him, I'll never know.
How is Seth? Fifteen years old now! Mercy.
How is Stephen? He taken to not allowing anyone near him but me. Not even his Sissy who he usually adores. She tried to have him spend the night with her last night and spend the day with her today, but he just cried and cried for me. So, I had to go back and get him and never got a lick of work done. He seems mommy needy right now, so he gets lots of attention. I actually am attempting to get a teenage girl to watch him for a few hours a week. I really really need a break. Not sure how that is going to work, and I don't like spending the money on it; but I just am too tired to continue as I am doing, something has got to change. I just hope the stress of a sitter won't be too hard on Stephen.
So, there you have it. Our new normal. When "oh you had another stroke" is our evening conversation.
But I have my husband still with us, so I am counting my blessings!