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This blog is now all about my personal life, including updates concerning Jerry's health. For quilt and pattern related posts please visit

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Guilt Free during May for Me! And some Hee Haw TOO!

Do you ever feel guilty for using your creative talents?
I do. This is something that I really struggle with.
I feel like if I am sewing,
then I am not giving my husband his time,
or my boys their time.
There is always cleaning that could be done instead.
EVERY SINGLE DAY, without fail, I go through a battle.

I plan to head to my sewing room on certain evenings (Mon, Tue, and Thurs).
During the day I get so excited at the prospect of getting some projects worked on.
Then by comes the guilt.

I was reading a homeschool magazine a while back,
and they had great article about guilt.
I jotted a few notes that I expanded upon and want to share with you.
(Just to give credit where credit is due,
the article was written by Deborah Wuchler, The Old Schoolhouse, Spring 2010).

Basically Deborah says all of our guilty feelings stem from one thing:
We expect things of ourselves.
We have a list of things that we feel others expect of us.
And all those expectations add up to guilt.

Some areas that are common for personal struggle are:

  1. "I am not doing it the right way". It's ok to do it YOUR way. We have visited this before so I'll move on...
  2. "My work is not adequate enough." For who? Break away from the quilt police, or knitting police, or painting police,or homeschool police, or... Give yourself a chance to nurture your talent and to learn from it. I have really been doing that over the past year. 
  3. "I can't do it all!". My house needs cleaned, I need to plan school, I need to sew this and that charity quilt, I need to sew things my family wants, I need to sew things to sell to relieve the stress on my husband, I need to have Jerry and Me time, I need to find time alone with each child, I need to...STOP! Don't let yourself get overwhelmed by all that life has for you to do. I really badly struggle in this area. I think most of my personal guilt comes from this point alone. While each of these things are important, they can't all be done in a day. 
I could go on here, but you get the idea. Don't let your expectations take away your joy. (Um, that sentence was for me too. It just popped into my head. Kind of like the quote that I came up with on Monday. If I keep this up I may get kicked out of Hillbilly Land or something.)

Does anyone else struggle with guilt? This is May for Me...time to become Guilt Free!

Ok, I need to add something fun here, so how about some more of the very requested HEE HAW?
This one is fun as it introduces some of the 'gang'. Enjoy!


Linda said...

Tonya, I am right there with you! I feel guilt all the time! Now that I am not working and have all this free time its even worse. I think to myself, I should be washing laundry or cleaning out that closet or painting the hallway, or the 100 other things that could be done instead of going down to sew or read a book or play in the garden (which are all me things) I try to balance all of the "me" things with all the "have to do" things. Its a juggling act but I am happy and very blessed in may ways in my life. When I say this to myself the guilt fades away....until the next day :) Ok say it with me "I am happy and Blessed!" Ahh, I feel better now!! :)

Pat said...

How this post made me smile.:)
Not as daft as it sounds, because I see many patients who struggle with guilt.. this chore needs doing, the person needs attention and so on.. until there is no time for you. 100% its been women who feel guilty. I used to ask my patients, when your hubby has a day off, what does he do? Play Golf was a regular answer. What? Not stress about catching up on chores? Oh no, he never does chores on a day off.
Girls - take a leaf out of that book! Take a day off!!

Heather said...

You know you aren't the only one who tries to do it all & feels guilty about taking a minute to yourself! I'm really trying to work on that this year too. A little give and take goes a long way! It's ok if the house is dirty or if I burn dinner. ;) It'll all work out in the end!

krisgray said...

OMG - I have guilt daily! Like you, point #3 is my main stressor. I also allow my UFOs to stress me out ANC that's when I have to remind myself that quilting is a hobby, only a hobby, those projects can wait a little longer.

Marcia said...

Wow I know exactly how you feel... Running my own business and being my own boss is tough, but after 8 years I just tell myself that I am being too hard on myself and I need a break... But then the next minute I am working like a dog, because I took the break! That's why "Minutes for Me" works -- just few minutes of fun and back to work! YES!

Vroomans' Quilts said...

I went thru all that as a single mom with 3 kids and jungling it all - but at that time my de-stresser was crocheting. Sewing was a necessity to make clothes for the kids. Now retired and kids grown - I don't stress! Quilting filled the hours - and my cross stitch.

NorthernStar said...

I know the feeling well. I have my finals coming up and I try to squeeze in a bit of sewing here and there. I can't work 24 hours but I do feel guilty every time I stop.

Belinda said...

You have been lurking inside my head. Hmmm. Gonna have to work on that guilt thing. Hmmm.

JuneBug, Milta and SnowPea said...

I think most of us if not all of us. It's because most people don't value crafts with hard work - when people think of craft they think of children playing with glue and glitter. Craft is such a form of art and makes income for most of us following your blog. My husband really struggles with guilt. I don't so much because it's honest to good real income. Took me years to get over the guilt however... I'd rather make money the fun way instead of house work - but we play the 5 minute game and jump for 5 minutes cleaning - it works lol and breaks the day a bit as well.. Crazy RV people we are....
Of course the pets don't feel guilt for anything...


Anonymous said...

Oh, you hit the nail on the head again! We all are right there with you....the wives, anyway! I agree with Pat up there - we need to imitate our hubbies when they have a day off! They really take the day off!
Thanks for a post that I needed to read! I need to take some May for Me time, and not be guilty about doing it!
Jacque in SC

Chris Daly said...

I sometimes wonder how to do away with the guilt. I need a few more minutes for me....